Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Sneaky Tailgating: Hidden Booze

With College Football season around the corner it brings to mind one thing.

Not the Bronze Stiff-Arm, or the Top 25 as are often written about here. Not whether or not certain players are going to be eligible. It's tailgating. One of my first post gave us the rules of tailgating. Tailgating is an All-American right, and not just sports related. The big reason College Tailgates are so important and are much more grand than professional sports tailgates is the lack of booze in most if not all College Football stadiums. But alas, the entrepreneurs of the world have found ways to get your liquid refreshment of adult beverages into the stadiums.
One of my personal favorites is the "Sippin Seat" or "Cushion Flask"

The seat holds exactly 750 ml of liquid. What else is 750 ml? Glad you asked. The standard size bottle of liquor is exactly 750 ml. So basically you can go to a game completely sober, and down your fifth of Jack as the game goes on and leave completely and utterly shitfaced. Congratulations, we're proud. Prices range from 29.99 - 49.99 on sites I searched.
There are countless other sneaky ways to bring booze into stadiums. The standard cell-phone flask or flask on a belt buckle are seen all over usually ranging from 1 to 4 shots, and are quite sneaky.

A few other options available are gender specific options for men or women to hide their booze in plain sight. Men can Sport the cleverly named Beer Belly that holds 64 shots or 6 beers.

This one is large enough that you could save money not only on the booze you don't have to buy, but also on the mixers you planned to pour it in. Ice pack to keep it cold sold separately. The downside is the inability to be shirtless during the game.

For women who want to remain looking their best in case they make it on ABC in between commercial breaks they can sport the similarly clever Wine Rack.

It comes in typical cup sizes and holds the same amount as the Beer Belly. Saves you plenty of money and gets you plenty drunk. Fill er up with Cosmos and Lemon Drops and enjoy the game ladies.

Similar empty bladders exist that can be hidden under your shorts or around the waist under that dated fanny pack. These are almost strictly for shots, they only hold about 12 shots worth of liquor.
A new one that I have never seen or heard before comes straight out of Caddyshack.

A Golf Club that holds either 38 shots, or the electric version that does not require pumping that disperses 43 shots. Either way it's a win win on those publick courses with the Whack Beer girls charging 8 dollars for a warm Miller Lite.

Many of you have seen the Binoculars before I'm sure that open up to allow between 7-15 shots from what I have seen around the net. I guess it's the break down whether you use one side or both.
One of my favorite sandal companies got in on the action too. Unfortunately these might not be as popular in November in South Bend or State College, PA.
Not pictured is the included funnel and key to remove the caps on the sides that allow you to fill the clear "canteens" on the bottom of each sandal. I believe it is 2-3 oz per sandal but have not found that information in my research.
There are hundreds of items out there for the sneaky drinker. What inspired this little diatribe. Well I'm sitting here at work, and as is commonly the case I am bored out of my mind. I've got nothing to do and wish that I was drunk. But how can someone drink at work without being too conspicuous. Well these thoughts went through my head while pouring powdered drink mix into a glass of water and a light bulb went off. To any of you chemistry majors who want to make a million dollars. Go back to your labs, dehydrate me a bottle of Jack Daniels and throw it in a fun dip envelope. Imagine having that at a game. Sure if you've got the beer belly or the sipping set you can get your booze into the stadium easy, but what next? you have to maneuver and pour it still, that alone can get you busted. But wouldn't it be great if you just pulled out an envelope and poured a tablespoon of powdered drink mix into your coke. Give it a quick stir. What could be easier. Think about it, those Freshmen who get busted for having booze in the dorms, what if they just had a vodka powdered and stored in that Gatorade or Kool-aid canister on their desk. Hell it could be premixed Fader-ade. For the sneaky alcoholic at work pouring some powdered Baileys into their coffee instead of creamer. The possiblities are endless. Please, someone out there. I beg of you. Invent this, make our lives better.


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