Monday, April 21, 2008

Putt-Putt is a Gateway Drug

Seriously, Mini-Golf leads to dangerous, dangerous things. You know what I'm talking about. Putt-Putt seems like innocent fun, but if you're not careful you know where you'll wind up. That's right, the driving range. Sure it seems simple at first, just take the clubs over and swing away a little bit. It relaxes you, you feel loose after and got some stress out. It feels good. Then you're going more often, skipping class or leaving work early to hit a bucket.

"I can stop any time, I don't need hit balls, I just like to" Yeah. We've all heard it before. Then we know what's next, it's the "Twilight Special" back 9 at 3:30, then weekends playing 18, I've seen it a million times.

Golf is a drug. A very, very bad, drug. Think about it for a second.

After playing a few holes you feel both miserable and great. You feel bad because you did so poorly and now you're kinda sore, but forsome reason you want to go again, you feel great because you got after it for an afternoon. Golf is a high and a low, and you don't care, you just want to do it more. First you're watching it on TV and movies. It's glorifed. It looks harmless and fun. You know lots of other people who are doing it and they seem to like it so you start off slow. You hit the Putt-Putt course on the weekend, but soon Putt-Putt's not enough, it's not satisfying anymore and the guys at the Mini-Golf course get angry when you start chipping it over the clown or using the sand wedge from the bushes off of 12 behind the Windmill. So you hit the range and it seems innocent but the next thing you know you're lugging your Wilson Irons around the Par 65 Executive Course. But after awhile that's not good enough, you barely even feel it anymore so you start spending your paycheck on "The good stuff" and you've got some Taylor Mades or Callaways in your bag now. The Range balls aren't working out for you anymore so you start shelling out more scratch for the Titleists because their supposed to go longer and straighter. And that Par 65 doesn't do it for you anymore, so you're spending 185 bucks to play the PGA course. Then you hear about the really good stuff, you've got to get into a Club where it's easier to get it whenever you want and the golf is better. But you need help from someone to get into the Club, maybe a Doctor, who will help you out.

Need Proof? I went golfing with 4Real and a couple other guys last weekend. Then last week, less than 72 hours later, 4Real was looking for new clubs and we were talking about doing it again, soon. The clubs were still in my car and I was already talking about getting back out there. I shot in the 3 digits on a Par 70, and I couldn't wait to drop 30, 40, whatever bucks on a couple more sleeves of balls and some green fees. We're already planning on hitting them again soon, and we've talked about making it a bi-weekly thing. Sure I could tell you right now that I could stop anytime I want, but would you believe me? If Randle called me and said he had a tee-time next weekend and needed a 4th, I would probably try to get out of my wife's Lamaze classes to play a round. I know, I'm pathetic. But guess what, there is no golf rehab, so what do you want me to do. I remember being an inncocent kid, hitting the driving range with a couple friends and some hand me down clubs not too long ago. 5 bucks for a bucket of 100, and just swinging away. If I knew it would have led to this, I still don't know if I would have stopped. Golf is addictive, expensive, and a great way to spend an afternoon.