Saturday, April 5, 2008

SI's 25 Toughest Athletes - Looks like the Swimsuit Issue is the Only Thing Worth Reading

After a long hiatus from days off, I finally have stumbled across one. So I thought I'd just gripe about some shoddy article. I've been pretty removed from sports life due to my career choice, and I've been doing light reading every night when I get home, but this Sports Illustrated article really has me worked up - or as much as I can get worked up on a Saturday Morning at 8:30. The article is named: Extra Mustard - 25 Toughest Athletes and is the most half-assed list ever constructed. Now I remember a few months back when Matt from was at the ESPN SuperBowl bash at the Convention Center, and a certain ESPN writer commented on how bloggers and their shoddy compositions we're mediocre at best since there are no editors to help refine their works - AND that ANYBODY can write about something. Apparently SI's online sect has tried to mock the style of "Top -insert number and thing here-" lists and horribly failed. Let's look at who SI thinks is "tough"

1. Tiger Woods
2. Lance Mackey
3. Anderson Silva
4. Bob Sanders
5. Zdeno Chara
6. Steve Smith
7. Allen Iverson
8. Fedor Emelianenko
9. Floyd Mayweather
10. Chrissie Wellington
11. Chris Chelios
12. Olin Kreutz
13. Kobe Bryant
14. Marion Barber
15. Kelly Pavlik
16. Trevor Brazile
17. Aaron Rowand
18. Ron Artest
19. Kelly Gregg
20. Hayley Wickenheiser
21. Steve Hutchinson
22. Tony Stewart
23. Josh Beckett
24. Rafael Nadal
25. Joey Chestnut

Ok I'll give SI credit for about half of this list- Not gonna agree with the rankings but that's a whole different story. The first ten are admirable, they deserve to be on this list. However Trevor Brazile is on there for being "tough" and "tough enough" to be ranked 16th. This cowboy isn't a bull rider- oh no he's a roping champ AND has earned this distinction because he competes in more than one rodeo event AND won his fifth all-around title(?) with his main roping horse injured. Scratch him out and put down, say...BRETT FARVE who started for more consecutive games than any other player in the NFL. Oh yah and the season where he played pretty much with a bum thumb. Oh and when he played that game the night after his dad died. Yea, Farve trumps.

Two spots down we have the friendly, chivalrous Ron Artest. Let's just skip to the defining moment- The Pacer-Pistons Brawl. Yes Artest made this list because he punched a fan. Fucking Next.

Hayley Wickenheiser- Canadian women's hockey player. I have no problem with women's sports, women playing sports, women playing originally men's sports, but when you compile a "tough" list, non-body check hockey should not enter your mind.

Tony Stewart #22. I don't get NASCAR. Unless you're on fire for the final lap of the race and finish in the Top 10 don't talk to me, you drive in circles for your job.

Finally the grand finale of SI's list of ridiculous picks, Joey Chestnut. Yea the guy that won the hot dog eating contest this year. Read this sad spectacle of over dramatic journalism:
What makes him tough: Intestinal fortitude of the highest order. Aptly nicknamed "Jaws", this dynamo of competitive eating last year ingested -- among other things -- 8.6 pounds of asparagus in 10 minutes, 182 chicken wings in half an hour, 47 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes, and 103 Krystal hamburgers in eight minutes, living to tell each time.

Defining moment: Ending Kobayashi's six-year hold on the Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island last year. Only one month after setting a world record of 59 ½ tubes of beef, sodium, fat and nitrates in 12 minutes, Chestnut inhaled 66 in the same span without reviewing any of them.

Old school match: Babe Ruth, who was renowned for gargantuan appetites that moved a teammate to say, "If you cut that fat slob open, half the concessions at Yankee Stadium would come pouring out."

First off, you're a competitive eater. You were that asshole in high school who picked on the fat kids, then they won the state fair pie eating contest, so to make their life more miserable you took up this hobby just so you could rub their face in it. This is ridiculous, And comparing Chestnut to Babe Ruth? Are you really a sports magazine SI? Oh let's not forget, this proud product of the Red, White, and Blue beat Kobayashi...when Kobayashi was competing with a torn esophagus. So if we're gonna give the "toughness" award to anybody, it should be Kobayashi, not this Irvine, California douche.
*quotes from


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