Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Things I've Learned From Joe Paterno

Joe Pa is at it again, and the man never ceases to amaze me. I started thinking about how he has proven without a shadow of a doubt that letting people’s off the hook for their actions because ‘Oh he’s just old” is a reasonable excuse for just about anything you do. I once knew someone who shared a theory with me that I now hold as a personal goal: When you turn 60 you take your pants off and never have to put them on again. He called it the Pantsless Revolution, and it makes me think that the only person I know that would not be questioned is the one and only Joe Paterno. Lets run down the list of Joe Pa’s feats that have been wiped off his slate because at age 81 he is just too old.

Theory: As the years or in this case decades pass the reputation you have built for yourself holds more water than reason or logic.

Example 1: 2007 Big Ten Media Days (Age 80)
Paterno stirs up doubts by expressing his theory that maybe it is better to coach from the press box than from the sidelines.

I'm not so sure that's not the better way to do it, and I've debated that

You're really a cheerleader most of the time down on the sideline. ... I enjoyed being upstairs, I really did. I sat down, had a nice time, had a cup of coffee. I felt like a newspaper guy. I was even able to watch television

The second quote he was referring to the two games he spent in the box after breaking his leg on this play:

Which of course brings us to the next point of Aging must be a lot like the timeline between drinking and being drunk. Your reflexes and reaction times just start to slow down, and its no ones fault you’re just drunk/old. But listen to Holtz, who is not a young stallion by any stretch of the imagination saying that you have to see it coming and get out of the way. I think it may have been time to and an inch or two to the coke bottles on Joe Pa’s dome.

We move on to his ability to rally the troops, inspire them and motivate the Lions to be the Big Ten Power they’re supposed to be. The following is a clip from 2007 Outback Bowl Prep Rally at Penn State.

After watching this I am starting to think I should change the point of this post to Joe Pa has taught us that aging is a lot like drinking. Half way through the clip he busts out his crutch but then says “I can dance, I can dance” then continues on to say that he hopes he can be carried off the field both statements made in his old man stuttering voice. To Joe Pa it is just the signs of aging, his voice isn’t as commanding as it used to be. Now picture one of your friends that is 60 years younger saying the same thing. Your friend sounds like he is slurring and randomly is muttering “I can dance, I can dance” while you are picturing having to carry him out of a bar. Shocking similarities.

Finally we all remember the roadside incident where on campus Joe Pa was nearly in a minor fender bender. He got out of the car and came running up to the woman driving the other wagging his finger and the convo went like this:
Joe Pa: Watch it I have your license number and I will call the police on you
Woman’s Husband: That’s my wife you’re talking to
Joe Pa: That’s your problem

Quick witted and can’t be held responsible for his actions. It doesn’t matter if he is one of the most famous coaches in NCAA football history, he is too old to be censored.

These are just a couple incidents, but he is really trying to stretch this age and tenure thing out as far as possible. Recently he has told the press that we was hoping to coach another 3, 4 or 5 years. That might not have been entirely out of the question if it weren’t for the fact that he is now saying that he needs to work from home. Back to throwing reason and logic out the window, how can anyone coach a football team on a daily basis from home? Maybe he is more brilliant than we thought, after proposing coaching from home that whole kicking back in the press box idea seems a little less ridiculous.

I will leave you with this clip entitled: Whats older than Joe Paterno?

4Real Out…..