Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Hit the Bull...

...Get a Free Steak

With the December meetings coming our way and all the talk of trades and possible line up shifts, I decided to put together what I think would be one of the most successful line ups in the history of the game. There might be some names you don't recognize, but they are being named more for their ability as a role player. Now for the sake of compiling the greatest line up to be assembled, some necessary jumps had to be made as far as players playing in different eras, but we do have both the youngest and oldest rookies to play Major League Baseball. Without further ado I present the greatest assembly of baseball pitchers in history.

RHP Henry Rowengartner, "Pitcher's got a big butt! Pitcher's got a big butt!"
RHP Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh "Why's he calling me meat? I'm the one driving a Porsche."
LHP Steve Nebraska
RHP Eddie Harris, "Crisco, Bardol, Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. 'Course if the umps are watching me real close I just rub a little jalapeƱo juice up my nose"
RHP Billy Chapel, "God, I always said I would never bother you about baseball, lord knows you have bigger things to worry about. But if you could make this pain in my shoulder stop for ten minutes, I would really appreciate it."

Relief Pitcher:
RP Sam "Meydey" Malone, "A lot of people may not know this, but I happen to be quite famous."
RP Montgomery Brewster
RP Chet "Rocket" Steadmen, "Henry, don't take this serious. But its nothing to joke about. But one day, your gift will be gone. "
CP Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn, "No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places."

C Crash Davis, "Relax, all right? Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls - it's more democratic"
1B Okie (RoY)
2B Tanner Boyle, "Hey Yankees, you can take your apology and your trophy and shove it straight up your ass!"
SS Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez, "Man, this is baseball. You gotta stop thinking. Just have fun. I mean, if you were having fun you would've caught that ball. "
3B Roger Dorn, "Oh come on, cut the rah rah shit Taylor! Year after this I go free agent. Plus me and my agent got a couple of plans for life after baseball. So I am not about to risk major injury or deface this property for a collection of stiffs! "

RF Roy Hobbs, "And then when I walked down the street people would've looked and they would've said there goes Roy Hobbs, the best there ever was in this game."
CF Willie Mays Hayes, "Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes. "
LF Bobby Rayburn, "I mean, come on, let's be real here, you know. What are we doin'? We're not curin' cancer, you know. We're playin' a game. That's all it is - just a game!"

OF Pedro Cerrano, "Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come."
OF Bartholomew "Bump" Bailey
C Jake Taylor, "I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees."
OF Juan Primo
C Billy Brubaker, "Wood bats suck! Why do you think God invented aluminum?"
1B Stan Ross, "You don't like me because I sign autographs, You don't like me because I tell you what's on my mind, But you love me because I am the greatest hitter alive!"
OF The Whammer
1B Heddo (RoY), "This one's for mommy, mommy!"

BB: Bobby Savoy
Manger: Lou Brown, "Nice catch Hayes, Don't ever fucking do it again"
Play by play: Harry Doyle, "JUST a bit outside"


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