Friday, July 25, 2008

Cristiano, why is your skin maroon?

Great football player, yes- Skin care proponet- probably not. Yes, my knowledge is minimal about soccer but as with Mr. Jennings I felt that I must give Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santo Aveiro some knowledge on how not to end up like the next David Posh Spice.

1. You have surgery on your right ankle and only a couple weeks later are in LA ( you know Beckham lives there) and out at nightclubs. This is not good- while I read that you denied L.C. from the Hills ( which you should have) and I give you golf claps for that- all you're going to find there are gold diggers and diseases.

2. Skin care: you are severely handsome there is no questioning it, but Cristiano you're going to end up looking like a walking Louis Vuitton- you're maroon, I know your Portugese and you tan well and it's great- but now it's crossing the line, you need some sunscreen asap.

3. Please don't end up like David Beckham, your parallels are many- but I think you are better than him, very much better. It seems as though you'll end up in Spain and that is good for you but don't choke like Beckham did and then sign an obnoxiously high salary to move to LA and wear Herbalife on your chest. Stay Euro thats why you're better than Beckham.

4. If you start to become Beckham you are going to loose your male fanbase, which has kind of already started, remember 2006 when you annoyed the English so much ( and you played on Man U) that they started an emailing campaign against you for the Best Young Player Award- you didn't get nomiated due to your behavior and it went to Lukas Podolski. Lets be honest if you come to LA women don't really watch soccer- see # 1.

5. You have too much talent to end up in Armani underwear on a billboard in Times Sqaure (a blatant Posh move)- so just keep playing, stay out of the media, you'll pull chicks without having 1,000 papparazi lights flashing off at you- and please seriously get some sunscreen.