Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Numbers Rebuttle

Chris Domschke or should I say Randall Floyd, with your El Camino SS's and lines like grab a 6'er .. all Dom needs now is to look a little more like Ben Affleck, find a paddle and scare some young boys..... oh wait that already happened once, Domschkes Douchebags anyone?
Since the beardown " dips below the heteroline" I'm about to make it plummet and put it woman's spin on Dom's number game.

1. Rankings :

So you've got your 1-10 and your Sir-Mix-A lot measurements- interesting but Dom I can't say that I know any guys that even know where those measurements belong let alone what girl has them. Your 1-10 scale is best- keep it simple, you start throwing in hips, waist and bust measurements and you are going to have a lot of confused drunk men at bars.

2. Women's Sizes:

Men go by the measurements of their body- women's sizes like 2,4,6,8,10,12 are those measurements wrapped up in a nice little number to make us feel less fat. So we are clear though, women do have pants that come in measurements- but you have to be willing to be brutally honest with yourself. It's a known fact that stores make their size 4 and 6's bigger so women will feel skinnier and shop more at that store. So heres the chart breakdown ( and if you're giong shopping in Europe, lose ten pounds and good luck):

0-2 Skinny
4-6 Thin (ish)
8-10 Average
12 +.... maybe see a Bally's Trainer

3. Booze:

Women love numbers and booze too for two very different reasons:

our own:
100 calories in a shot of vodka
150 calories in a shot of Jack
150 calories in a shot of Captain
0 calories in club soda or water

So if you don't eat all day, you can have eleven Vodka Soda's be wasted and not gain weight.

for men: We like to have numbers when you start drinking, if you are grabbing a 6'er then it's going to be a great night, an 18 your playing flip cup, a 30 and it's beer pong- double any of those and all bets are off. If your drinking 40's your not taking us out to dinner because you've obviously lost all your money gambling on these numbers that you love. If you're drinking expensive scotch then you are living a double life.

4. Sports:

Since Dom can't remember where he lived in the dorms 5 years ago- but can rattle off numerous stats let me help him out- Graham- Greenlee. Thats the beauty about women and sports, we love them too but the rest of our brain can function as well.
Heres what I know about numbers and sports, if the numbers are too low and your favorite team loses it's going to be a quiet night, if the numbers are high and your favorite team wins then it's going to be a booze filled rager.
We will have to wash your favorite jersey at least 2 times to get the potato skins, moz sticks, beer, Jack D and 2 am pizza stains off of it and we'll have to have at least 3 bottles of water and 1 greasy meal waiting for you in the morning. And when that's over, you'll have 1 expensive meal to pay for.

Ah numbers, they're a beautiful thing.


Dom said...

Thank God we finally have a Woman's POV on The BearDown, besides 4Real

Matt Randle "el" said...

Honestly, the number I want is how many times Garnes has picked up, dropped off, cleaned up, grcery shopped for or consoled one of us retards...Thats the bottom line number