Monday, July 28, 2008

Men Love Numbers

Men love numbers. I'm not really trying to be overly repetitive but I want to make sure my point gets across. Men love numbers. They overlook other things based on numbers. Don't believe me?

Women: Numbers play an important role for men when it comes to women. This comes in one of two ways. First of all, ranking systems. A large amount of men rate women on a 1-10 scale. Typically a Ten is, well she's "A TEN" and I think you all should know what that means. Even if you are a male who does not use the ranking system personally, when another male comes up to you and points out the 7 in the corner who's an 8 from the back or a 9 after a few know exactly what he's talking about. Not only do men love to break things down into a numbered rating system they use numbers another way to think of women. Quick what comes to mind if I say 36 24 34. Chances are you are aware I'm not talking lottery numbers or spouting off some weird Lost quotes. A woman's measurements. We hear a combo of 3 double digit numbers and instantly we know what is being talked about. Men love numbers.

Shopping: I know I know, The BearDown already dips below the hetero line occasionally (4 Real's Project Runway Breakdowns) but when it comes to shopping Men choose to use numbers. I don't know about you but I'm not a huge fan of shopping or the mall. Thus I want to get out of there ASAP, no excuses. The way to get out of there the fastest is to avoid, at all costs, the dressing/fitting rooms. Women can not do this. A 4 at one place is different than another, and I've dated 2 fashion conscious shopaholics in my past and am married so yes I know women's sizes but still do not understand them. Me, I go into the store if I'm looking for pants or jeans 36/34 and I'm outta there. A shirt 18.5 36/37. Shoes 12, and so one. I don't need to try it on and see how it makes my butt look, the numbers do that for me. Men love numbers.

Booze: Men love their booze and numbers matter in all facets of the booze world. Want some beer? Grab a sixer, an 18, or a 30 rack. A College kid looking to get drunk fast? Grab a 40, specifically, like me a few years ago, chase down that Steel Reserve with the highest alcohol percentage (8.1%) yet another number. No longer a college kid and an experienced drinker? Well then you, like me, probably enjoy a good scotch. How old would you like it? 12, 18 years? Numbers matter. Not just when talking about beer and liquor, but also wine. I would love that 1998 Berringer. Not only when it comes to years but Bins and many other ways. Men love their beer, wine, and spirits, and numbers fill a good part of the picture there too. Men love numbers.

Things: This is America and a Capitalist country. Therefore we have the right to attain all sorts of fun toys and we enjoy the numbers attached to the toys. If we buy something truly expensive, we can't help but tell someone else just how much we paid for it. And for whatever reason we also brag if we get something really cheap. I don't know why we take such pride in the fact that we can afford expensive things AND take pride in just how much we saved or how little we paid. That part doesn't make sense but alas it is what it is. Besides just the numbers in prices we've paid for things numbers are everywhere else. Check out my new phone, it's an 8110 or an 8320. That means something to tech junkies. Or the car? It's an 09. Is it a classic, then you're proud to tell your friends about the '55 Bel Air or (my favorite) the 69' El Camino SS. If you were to come over and see the new TV you would hear two of three things: It's a 52" and I got it for a steal at $2,600 or I dropped $ 3,300 on that little guy. We can't help it, numbers make sense when men talk to each other. When we buy something, one of the first things we'll tell you about will have something to do with a number. Men love numbers.

Ok so we've talked about women, shopping, booze, cars, and TVs. 4 of the 5 most important things in a mans life. What's the missing piece of a man's life?

Sports: Quick ask me who my counselor was in college or the name of my dorm neighbor. (5 years ago) I couldn't tell you. Ask me about Urlacher's extention (18 mill), The Cubs score (6-4 WEAR IT CC), the start of College Football season (8-30-08 7 PM), shall I continue? And it isn't just because it was recent happenings. Ask any Chicago fan what the number 46, 10, 1986 mean. Well in 1986 Da Bears beat the Patriots (pre video taping) 46-10 in the Super Bowl. It goes deeper though and while it's obviously heavily overpowered by Chicago knowledge, in my case, I can tell you all about the 01 DBacks, or the 69 Mets (Bastards). I can tell you that in Boston 2004 still brings a smile to faces as does the phrase "0-3". The opposite can be seen in New York. We reel off salaries, stats, years, etc, etc, etc. In fact numbers are so prominent in our conversation that we just use the word numbers when referring to sports stats. How ingrained are sports stats. If 4 Real asks me how the Cubs are doing, my typical response would be something along the lines of "Well we're 5-6 since the break, but 6 were on the road" or if he asked me about the CC trade, "I'm scared he's 4-0 with 3 complete games and 1 shutout (prior to tonights big fat L)" if he wanted to know about my boy Kosuke I'd tell him, "He started off strong going near .300 and almost .800 OPS but he's been slipping and he's hovering near 2". Stats are everything when talking about sports. No longer are they people, much like prisoners we refer to them by number half the time.

So then you take two of the major sports stories being shoved down our throats right now. Manny and Farve. Believe me, they aren't the only ones but they are the big names. First let's look at Manny. He's ridiculous, he take a piss behind the monster, and then a couple years later climbs up into the monster during a bullpen call to make his own phone call. He cuts off throws from the center fielder, he pushes down 65 year old team execs, he plays when he wants, and doesn't play when he doesn't want to. The list goes on and on, to the point that it's just "Manny being Manny". Bottom line he's a major distraction, and though the running catch followed up by high fiving a fan was fun to watch, he isn't the greatest defensive addition. So Why would teams be considering bringing this guy onto their roster as the trade deadline closes in? ,304 20 68. (Avg/HR/RBI) His career 162 game average 40 132 .313 .409 .590 .999 (HR/RBI/Avg/OBP/SLG/OPS). And even with his price tag $20,000,000.00 teams are considering picking him up to deal with his crap.

Farve is just another example of numbers overshadowing other things.
His 442 career TDs, his 15 straight years playing all 16 regular season games (and 15 games the year before). Most importantly for Favre (despite the 38 year olds age) was last year's 95.7 QB Rating and the 28:15 TD to INT ratio. But numbers are definitely an issue is Wisconsin. As in Aaron Rodgers is in year 4 of a 4 year contract and being the QB of their future. They lose Rodgers next year if Brett comes back this year and thus would have spent millions and a 1st round pick on a back up who played in 7 games (with 0 starts). But to Green Bay fans (and luckily for their sake not their management) numbers are all that matters and the Green Bay supporters want Rodgers back ASAP without looking at the bigger picture. The only numbers that matter to them are 4 and 2008-2009. They don't care at all about 2009-2010, which as a Bears fan is fine with me. Bring back Brett and his 2+ turnovers a game vs. the Bears over the last 4 years ) and their 2-6 record.

Basically, Men love numbers, and in sports much like with women, the better those numbers are the more shit we're willing to put up with.


Your in trouble when you get home said...

P.S. I'm not a 36-24-34...and I know you don't know women's sizes as well as you claim. And the last little tid bit about putting up with more women means putting up with more shit....very interesting.

Garnes said...

I believe that is a burn by the momschke