Wandering thoughts about The Real World, Bull Durham, Super Bowl Hangovers, and Spring Training

I honestly have nothing today. I’ve been trying to think of something to write about but let’s face it. There isn’t a whole lot going on in the world of Sports right now. We’re in that awkward couple of weeks right now. It’s like that Saturday afternoon when you went out and had a great Friday night, had a blast, one of those ones that just flew by (football season) capped off by taking that girl who is completely out of your league home with you (Super Bowl). The best thing about that send off is that at the start of the night you had no chance but after some liquid courage, the competition leveling out with the “dimple-chinned quarterback with the winning smile” (Actual AP Quote) getting sloppy, spilling all over himself, and repeatedly falling down (Tom Brady/Patriots). But now it’s about Noon and you’re just getting past the part of the day where you talk with your roommates and friends about the night before and how much fun you all had. So you sit there, staring at a repeat of SportsCenter with nothing to do and no new E-Mails or Facebook/MySpace/ Whatever messages. It’s a beautiful sunny 78 Degree day and you’ve got a BBQ to go to at 3:30 (Spring Training) where you can sit in the sun for a few hours a drink some beers, eat some good food, but it’s still hours away. Then later tonight you are going to meet up with some friends at the bar and have a quiet evening full of good conversation (NBA Trade Deadline). And then next weekend you’ve got your roommates graduation party (NFL Combine) and a few weeks after that you’ve got your buddies Bachelor Party (March Madness). But right now, you are bored, out of your mind, starting at a wall. In this case my very, very, tiny cubicle wall.

That’s what it’s like right now, football talk has taken a backseat to everything else, and even though everyday there’s new revelations and accusations in the steroid investigations (that wasn’t supposed to sound like a Jesse Jackson speech by the way) it’s all been said before, just this time new words and different fingers being pointed. Plus the big trades in the NBA already happened and have already been driven into the ground as far as analysis (maybe it’s a little more for me living in Arizona and hearing about Shaq on every radio station). But there’s nothing new to write about anywhere. It’s frustrating for me because this is how I get through the day at work. I am so insanely bored and sick of cold calling that I enjoy writing a satire on Charlie Weis being an evil genius who threw the 2007 season as a recruiting tactic (which was a huge joke to those of you whom I offended) and predicting the Heisman Hopefuls and preseason Top 25 as well as MLB analysis. But there’s nothing new to analyze there’s nothing left to predict, and changing my Mock Draft prior to the Combine doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. So I guess I’ll write about things non-sports related.

For those of you who read Bill Simmons on Page 2 of ESPN, which as I’m sure many of you have realized 4Real and myself are Simmons followers, you may have come across his argument that, one of my All-Time favorite movies, Bull Durham is a chick flick based on its appearance on the Lifetime channel. While this argument makes a boat-load of sense (since Lifetime is billed as Television for Women) on principle I cannot accept this argument on the grounds that A) It’s one of the All-Time Classic baseball movies and Crash Davis is one of our All-Time favorite Baseball players/Characters. His cliché speech to Nuke is one of the greatest scenes in history (once it comes full circle in his end interview). His pitcher’s mounds pep talks with words of wisdom are classic. B) It is one of the most quotable sports movies in history, obviously falling short of Caddyshack but still. “Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls - it's more democratic.” And “anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?” among hundreds of other great quotes. C) And this has nothing to do with Bull Durham, but if we count Bull Durham as a chick flick specifically based on the charge that it appears on the Lifetime network, where does that leave Goodfellas. Try telling my Dad Goodfellas is a chick flick. He would probably go Pesci on you. Goodfellas is the movie that made Joe Pesci famous for acting like Joe Pesci, and Robert DeNiro famous for making the Robert DeNiro face. If Goodfellas is a chick-flick then what’s left to be sacred in this world.

I know I’m in the minority here, but isn’t there some people out there who are just absolutely sick and tired of the Real World and all of it’s spin-offs. How many times can you watch Ace get eliminated in the first couple of episodes, C.T. get ridiculously angry, drunk, and yelling things in his over the top cannot be real Boston accent, Tonya get called a whore, and then proceed to act like a whore. The same holds true for Trishelle. And Beth, who if memory serves me correct was in Real World LA which was 15 years ago, is still “competing” on these things. Isn’t she getting dangerously close to 40? (ed. Note for the record she is 38). I watched the first Gauntlet, I won’t lie, but by the end of it the novelty had worn off. This process of spin-offs of spin-offs is starting to drive me crazy. Gauntlet was a spin-off of the one episode during a Road Rules season where they would face of with Real World. It was always entertaining. Now there have been countless new ones including “Fresh Meat” which 4Real was watching and I made the statement (unknowing of the premise behind the show) that I didn’t recognize half the people on it, that bring in new people specifically for them. No longer are they the ways to catch up and see our old favorite cast members have fun. It’s the same for the I Love New York Spin-offs and I think that the foreign guy from A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila actually has his own show now. Also, to continue my anti-Road Rules/Real World diatribe, remember the good old days where the characters were multi-dimensional. Who didn’t love Timmy, Puck, Syrus, Theo, Mark, Jamie, etc. They were entertaining and they weren’t flat on their face drunk, stupid, and annoying all the time. I am fairly sure that the last half decent Real World season was Chicago and it went downhill after. San Diego, the last one I watched, was entertaining but once Robyn and Brad starting getting arrested it jumped the shark. But they compared Chicago to Las Vegas, and the ratings weren’t as high. So the show went into a ridiculous tail-spin and even made a return to Vegas for the original cast to get another shot a TV Glory. But enough about that, like I said based on their continued appearances on my TV screen, I know I am in the minority.

Ok well that fully managed to kill 90 minutes (of which I spend some time making phone-calls. I’m off to lunch, perhaps a post-lunch bitter rant from a 23 year old is coming next, Who Knows!?